What does it mean to heal your inner child and how does one even know that their inner child needs healing?
From the outside, my childhood probably appeared to be quite glamorous… growing up in a beautiful coastal New England town, spending summers cruising on our sailboat, playing and exploring at one of the many local beaches, tennis lessons and weekly dinners and social events at a private yacht club. Winter holidays were spent skiing at various resorts, spending time in Florida at my grandparent’s waterfront home and traveling the country and beyond as the daughter of an airline pilot. As I reflect back and write this I think “wow, was I lucky!” - but then as I peel back the lid further, things were not so shiny and pretty.
My father, who’s grandparents immigrated from Sweden, was raised on a farm in Iowa. He was taught (as so many are) to work hard, not to show or feel emotions and push through any suffering - no matter what.
My mother was raised in Rhode Island and had an idyllic childhood within a loving family. But like so many other women, was taught to be polite, not to voice her opinion or concerns, and just keep the peace.
After years of suppressing his own anger, resentment and feelings of abandonment from his childhood abuse and traumas, my father’s wounded inner child began to emerge behind closed doors through bouts of rage towards my mother, brother and I, alcohol abuse, financial control, infidelity and ultimately abandoning his family when I was ten years old. I still have a relationship with my father, and love him dearly. It took years on my own healing journey to forgive and deeply love the man who lost his own childhood to the rage, abuse, anger and emotional neglect from the adults that were supposed to be there to love, nurture, and support him.
“Three things are striking about inner child work: the speed with which people change when they do this work; the depth of that change; and the power and creativity that result when wounds from the past are healed.”
When we experience trauma as a child, such as abuse, abandonment, bullying, harsh judgements or criticisms, and any unmet emotional or physical needs, this can lay the foundation for a wounded inner child. These wounds can have a lasting impact on our mental and emotional health, and can manifest in relationships with self and others, especially intense and vulnerable ones, which later emerge in our adulthood.
As I did, others can subconsciously bury their wounded inner child in order to protect themselves from feeling emotional pain, which most often can surface many years later as an adult, showing up as the need to control, having fears of abandonment, feelings of low self-worth, guilt, shame, addictions, people-pleasing, difficulty setting boundaries, and criticizing of self and others.
The first step in healing your inner child is awareness. Becoming aware that you are experiencing some of the above mentioned signs of a wounded inner child. Learn to connect with your breath and be in your body. I have a video HERE on How to Be in Your Body . Healing your inner child can benefit from working with a licensed professional, to receive proper guidance and assistance in order to access the subconscious mind, where all emotions and past experiences are stored. Talk therapy alone is generally not effective in healing the inner child, as it does not reside in our conscious thinking minds.
Inner child work is a beautiful healing modality that transforms people’s lives. As an intuitive holistic healer, I facilitate and gently guide others to connect with their inner wounded child as well as the fun-loving wonder child they also hold within. Your wonder child is your healer and is ready to meet you and work with you.
If you have tried other methods of healing and are still feeling stuck or holding a deep sadness or emptiness within, I would love the opportunity to connect and work with you (either in-person or virtually). To schedule an appointment visit: https://dianestsakoe.as.me.